Sunday, December 13, 2009

Nightmare of the Elf [part 1]

Originally Posted at December 4, 2009

So I murdered over three hours this morning scanning the web for notable French musicians to write about.  Problem was, the only unsigned bands I uncovered sort of, well, sucked. 

So I gave up on my Parisian pipe dream and returned to a land much closer to home yet in many ways just as foreign: That’s right, the San Fernando Valley, home to both the (straight) porn industry and a frightening band of noise-makers who call themselves Nightmare of the Elf.  I can’t really tell you much about them you won’t learn yourself by clicking on the link above.  Suffice it to say this band is really different… from anything - at least that I’ve ever heard.  They describe themselves as “The Greatest Pose Punk / Dork Wave band EVER!”  I’d definitely have to agree - if only I knew what that meant. 

When I listened to the first of three songs posted to their site, “Fat Ass Gonna Buy You a Donkey,” all I could think was “what the hell is this shit?”  But after multiple listenings I’ve decided it’s either one of the strangest, funniest, most disturbing and most brilliant pieces of horrifying a-cappella codswallop I’ve ever listened to or, well, I guess that’s exactly what it is.  I love it so much I’m afraid of it.  And now I can’t stop humming its haunting, yet trite melody… fat ass…gonna buy you a donkey-ee-ee, gonna buy you a donkey-ee-ee, gona buy you a donkey... 

I’m sorry I wasted so much time searching for the French indie scene today but thrilled that that experience left me too weak and exhausted to hit the pause button once I’d begun listening to Elf.  In any other state of mind I’m sure I would have fled after the first note or two.  So thank you, France, you’re the best!   


  1. Wow, I'm pleased the Donkey has been so gratifying! The tune was just as haunting as it came to me. My girlfriend at the time was inside an ice cream parlor in San Fernando while I was in the car waiting for her, and out of a sudden, the tune came to me, along with the lyrics. I don't know why it chose me, but I figured I'd better pass it along.

    If you haven't been to the site since then, you might want to come by again, because we've got some other stuff up there now in addition to "Fat Ass Gonna Buy You A Donkey". We have the marvelous "Fighting Off Werewolves", brand new off the press, as well as a great Halloweener, "Hallow's Eve", and the romantic "Shiver".

    To see "Fat Ass" reviewed on the internet, I gotta tell you, this gave me a terrific laugh. And I think you described it well. Thanks for the review.

    --Nightmare's Founder and Steersman

  2. I think it's worthwhile mentioning for promotional sake that the laughter you hear in the beginning of "Fat Ass" is that of Eve Ghost, the lead singer of Christ vs. Warhol, Purnama, and Scarlet's Remains. So she ought receive credit for her "vocal" in that regard. She obviously found the song as funny as you have.